Once you start working, somewhere you stop living and start surviving instead

My girlfriend broke up with me yesterday. As she was leaving, she yelled "You need to grow up!". I don`t know what has gotten into her. It`s probably

Apple and Blackberry should team up and make a phone called the Pie..

The 3 fastest means of communication: Telephone, Television, Tell-a-woman.

Moonwalking into jail, because you`re a smooth criminal.

Nobody is as patient as Ted Mosby`s children.

I went to a sandwich place and they asked me to write my name down for when it was ready. I wrote "Lord Voldemort" and the cashier said "The sandwich of the one who shall not be named is ready "

When you use your imagination, you can do anything - SpongeBob

Me: I am a Ninja Samantha: No youre not. Me: Did you just see me do that? Samantha: Do what? Me: Exactly.

Dear girls making kissy faces on Facebook, Theres a reason we close our eyes when we kiss. Sincerely, Boys.

Dear MTV, I was wondering if I could get my "M" back, you know, since you arent using it. Sincerely, _usic

80 year old man: My 28 year old wife is pregnant, your opinion Doctor? Doctor: Let me tell you a story. A hunter in a hurry grabs an umbrella instead of the gun. He moves into the jungle, sees a lion, lifts the umbrella, pulls the handle and... BANG... The lion drops dead! Old man: Thats impossible; someone else must have shot the lion.... Doctor: MY POINT EXACTLY!